The River

You began your summer face up in the river.

Your mother had always told you to not lie like that, because it resembled the likeness of a dead fish, but you defied her nonetheless and continued to lie with the sun warming your face and the water cooling your back when she wasn’t around you. You laid there for what seemed like hours, floating aimlessly until your face burned and your back ached to twitch and throw your relaxation off course, but you were adamant in your quest to float until something interesting happened, whether it be beneficial to you or not.

The sun was getting closer to the west by the time you heard voices, faint but still audible, coming from the shore which was just out of your line of vision. They got louder but then quieter, until they faded to nothing, and you wondered if that was your one interesting thing of the day, which would be rather disappointing but still better than nothing. You were about to move when the voices returned, higher up this time, until they all began repeating someone’s name, and then there was a loud shout that got closer and closer, and a splash that rippled the water and made the water around you move, though you yourself didn’t move a single muscle. Cheers were coming from above and you heard and felt the water move, and you knew that whoever had jumped into the water was now swimming towards you, and soon your view of the clear blue sky was blocked, and you were greeted by crystal blue eyes and a mess of blonde hair and a worried expression, asking you if you were alive. You nodded and shut your eyes, let your body do the work it had been asking to do all day, and you came from your back to just balance upright in the water.

His name was Jimmy, you found out, and the voices from above you belonged to Brian, Matt and Zacky, and they went to the school you’d be moving to after the summer vacation. Zacky lived a couple blocks down from your house and Brian lived directly opposite to you, and Jimmy went to the same church as you, Matt had a summer job at the same music store you’d be working at, and they were all very fascinating compared to you and your plain little existence. Matt was muscular for his age, with biceps that promised to bulk up drastically in the future and pectorals that wanted to rebel against any shirt worn. Brian was built strong but not like Matt, slightly slimmer and with silky hair flowing a little past his shoulders, and the way he flicked it could challenge a model. Zacky was shorter and much slimmer than Matt and Brian, with enchanting green eyes and plump, pierced lips, and a bell like laugh that would put the sweetest of birds to shame. Jimmy was tall and lanky, with unruly hair and almost a whole foot over your own height, but he still managed to make you forget how short you were when he threw you over his shoulder and waded out of the river cackling, like you were some kind of lost treasure for them all to steal and keep.

They were the first real friends you had. They could’ve easily left you there in the river, to float until the moon shone down and you gave up, but instead you stayed to see the moon and found out stupid little things about all of them and them about you, and you felt like you belonged for the first time in a very long time. You ended up walking home alone with Brian with the streetlamps guiding your way, and your mother complained about you being home so late and your father patted you on the back as your paths crosses, when he made his way to the kitchen as you made your way to your bedroom, and you slept like a log for the first time in a month, and you knew you’d like Huntington Beach.

You went down to the river every day for most of your vacation, spending endless hours diving into the deep, shimmering water and eventually camping out there a few nights, the stars above you making you stay awake all night just to gaze at them while Matt snored and shifted restlessly and Brian eventually got fed up of him and smacked him in the jaw, not hard enough to wake him but enough to shut him up, and you laughed softly because they were all so natural with each other. You felt honoured that they’d accepted you so quickly, because they’d all grown up together and they’d already developed bonds as strong as steel, and they happily welcomed you into their little family with open arms and wide smiles, and it was the best feeling, a warm glow in your chest that never seemed to go away as long as you were around them.

On Sundays your mother took you to church, and you and Jimmy would sneak out within the first five minutes and smoke cigarettes he’d stolen from his father’s wallet and you’d relax by the little lake next to the copse of trees behind the church, and the warm summer air would mask the smell of nicotine on your clothes and your parents never suspected a thing. You loved the cool shade that the trees cast, basking around the edges of the darker areas of the lake while Jimmy stripped bare and swam around for the full two hours, until people began streaming out of the little building and he held his breath and swam up to where you sat with his clothes, a little trail of bubbles following him and giving him away before he darted out, grabbing his clothes and sprinting to the trees to find the little patch in the middle where the sun streamed through the leaves and cast a glow over a little area of grass, drying himself in the warmth and getting dressed once again, and he’d return to you almost perfectly dry and beaming as usual.

Two weeks before you were due to go to your new school, your parents said you needed to move again because of your father’s job, ignoring all your protests and telling you that it wasn’t negotiable and you’d be leaving just two days before the first semester began. You began spending more and more time down at the river, regardless of whether you were with company or not, you just needed to clear your head of all the fog and let it seep into the clear air. You couldn’t tell your friends about what was happening, because that would make it all too real.

The night before you were due to leave, Brian kissed you beneath the streetlamps, in the first storm you’d had all summer, and you kissed him back hard, you wrapped your arms around his neck and let him pull you close and maybe, you told yourself, if you held on tight enough, you wouldn’t have to leave. But he had to get inside and so did you, so he pulled away panting and grinning and he told you he was going to visit his grandparents in some other state, so he’d see you in school. He left that night, you watched his car pull out of the driveway with the windscreen wipers working to their full potential in the heavy rain, and your breath fogged up the bedroom window and your head fogged up too.

You went back to the river just before you were due to leave. You sat with your feet dangling over the little cliff that you’d heard Brian, Jimmy, Matt and Zacky on all those weeks ago, and you took a deep breath.

You stood.

You jumped.

You began your summer face up in the river. You ended it face down.